Ugh, I had such a frustrating dream last night!

I dreamt that I was at my dads place, it was like any other weekday where I'd have to get up at 6:00am so that he can take me home before he goes off to work. He came into my room as usual to wake me up, and everything just kind of spiraled downwards from there.

Everything is kind of jumbled in my head now. I just remember him talking about the divorce a lot, making fun of my mom, insulting her... getting on my case about college. And at one point asked me if I was still a virgin, which to my disgust told him that it was none of his fucking business. lol

I remember just constantly crying from that point on. lol Oh, then he tries to take pictures of me while I'm changing! Srsly, wtf kind of dream is this? lol I would try to call for Margaret because at that point I just wanted to talk to a woman, but she started siding with my dad on things.

I finally got fed up and told him to just take me home already. I got all my stuff together and all of a sudden my cousin, Casey comes into my room and sits beside me with a sympathetic look on her face. I'm confused as to why she's there and she tells me she's there to take me home. I give her my thanks and hug her and I go and kiss my dad and Margaret goodbye. The last thing I remember is my cousin taking my hand and leading me outside to the car, everything was white outside and then I woke up.

In the dream, my room was always almost pitch black. You could just barely see from the moon coming in through the window. But when Casey led me outside everything lit up. It just seemed like I was in an awful, dark place and then someone came and got me out of it. -shrug-

I still don't know why it was my cousin that came to get me instead of my mother, or even a close friend. Casey and my mom are similar... in looks and personality. I guess that could be why.

Eh, I think too much about my dreams. lol

I miss my best friend.

I need more hobbies.

I downloaded this new 3D graphics program. It does mostly text... It's called Xara3D. It works pretty well, I like it a lot. -nods-

I did the text on this header with it:


Also, I think "Dirt" by Alice in Chains is my ultimate emo song.

I was watching this show on the ID (Investigation Discovery) channel last night called "Escaped." I think it's fairly new cause I hadn't seen it on before, and I watch ID a lot. >_>;;

Anyway, it's about people who were kidnapped and tortured, but were able to eventually escape the situation and get out alive.

This one woman was shackled and tortured with 4 other women in this dudes basement for three months. Three months! That's such an insane amount of time to be a state of captivity that is worse than prison. He'd rape, beat them, and if they angered him in some way he'd make them sit down in this hole he dug in his basement that barely was big enough to fit one person, let alone two or three and leave them there for days. They weren't allowed to shower and he'd feed them dog food.

The woman that escaped she was one smart bitch. If it wasn't for her, the other two women (two of them had died) would have never gotten out of there alive. She realized that the more she obeyed and acted as if she respected him, the less she was punished and slowly was given small amounts of freedom as a reward. He eventually unchained her and she was allowed to walk freely amoungst his house, take showers, dress as she wanted and basically acted as more of a girlfriend than a captive or victim as time went by.

She eventually got him to take her to see her family and the moment she was out of his sight (he dropped her off near a gas station), she called the police from a pay phone and he was arrested. The reason she didn't just run from his house the first chance she got was because she knew he'd kill the other two women once he realized she was gone. She waited for the right moment to pull the plug on him to ensure everyones safety.

I kept wondering how I'd be in that kind of situation. To be locked up and treated so poorly for months. Whether I'd be in the right state of mind to even try to escape. It must be incredibly difficult to hold on to that kind of hope for 3 months, when every time you open your eyes, the situation is exactly the same every day. It must seem like it'll never end. But the ones who lose sight of their goal more than likely die.

Also, wtf is this and why do I wake up humming it? Humming because I don't know Japanese and I can't sing it unless I was to study the song and memorize shit. Which I have been know to do sometimes... >_>;;



I feel sorry for these kids. Although, I don't know if the media is half as bad in Japan as it is in America... But still. Although I admit they are rather mesmerizing. They're all good dancers for their age.

I feel like I need to go to the store and buy some Oxi Clean, while dressed as a Charlie's Angel and doing the moonwalk down the isles.

Somehow I haven't been sleeping well the last few days. It takes me forever to fall asleep, then when I do I wake up numerous times but I'll fall back to sleep easy. It's kind of driving me crazy cause I usually don't have problems sleeping.

I'm starting to feel panic-y today. I think it's cause I don't have much to occupy myself with. =\ Too much thinking time.

I CAN FINALLY SLEEP IN PEACE!

I had been dreading Father's Day since the start of the week because it meant I had to call my dad and actually talk to him. I hadn't spoken to him since Christmas... because I'm a fucking moron who somehow started having a phobia of telephones. >_>;;

But after bumming around the house this afternoon, alone (my mom and Paul are out today), feeling incredibly anxious, trying not to throw up, thinking "maybe I'll call tomorrow and just say I forgot...", and then drinking some alcohol to try and calm my nerves... I finally just sucked it up and dialed. All while clutching onto my very confused dog for dear life.

Yeah, I make waaaaay too much out of such little things.

We had a nice conversation. Wasn't at all like my worst nightmare. -nods- And now I just feel so... free of torment now that I got that over with. LOL Hopefully I don't slack off and not call for another 6 months. I told him I'd give him another call next week so, here's hoping I stick to what I said. Because I do want to keep in touch more. My life and way of thinking is just a little fucked up at the moment.

Time to EAT! I hadn't been able to eat earlier.

Oh, I forgot! My dad is getting remarried! O.O;; I get a long with his girlfriend, so I'm happy for him for sure. I just hope they don't want me to be in the wedding. lol I've never just sat in the audience at a wedding before, I'm always a bridesmaid. =\

aksjhdfljsafdaksjdfakjdflsaklakflaj !

I finished all 51 episodes of Soul Eater 2 days ago and now I can't find another anime series that peaks my interest! I like action comedies, but the ones I find are all bleh. I'd get back into Bleach if I felt like watching hundreds of episodes. T_T

Father's Day is coming up here really quickly. Must will myself to pick up a phone.

There's this stone plate my dad bought me a few years ago at a festival that has the Japanese character for courage written on it in black paint. It hangs on one of the handles to my closet, which is right beside my bed. At night when going to sleep I sometimes stare at it and imagine the word 'courage' changing into 'coward'.

Okay, that was really emo, sorry. LOL

My mom and Paul are on their two week vacation. It's funny how I usually can't wait for them to go to work so I can have the house to myself, but after they've been home for a week I actually find it kind of nice... Now when they go back to work I'll feel lonely, I bet. Weirdooooo.

Ohhhhhhhh, new header, btw! dementria dementria dementria ♥ (I sort of like and dislike it.)

I'm leaving Monday, it's better than Sunday, it's better than...
I'm feeling younger, it's better than wiser, it's better than...

I swear, all my belongings are fucking breaking! WHAT DID I DO?!



My headphones just randomly broke! I know in the picture it looks as if I had bashed them up against something and the plastic cracked, but I do not remember doing any sort of thing!

I was using them and realized that the right ear phone felt as if it wasn't laying on my ear right. It was like, pointing outward a bit and that really bothered me because it fucked with the sound, you know? It sounded distant that way. So I was looking at it trying to figure out why it was imbalanced. I kept looking back and forth between the left and right ear phone to see if anything was different between the two and nothing was out of the ordinary. Then all of a sudden the right one just... FELL OFF. Just from me wiggling it! I mean, I guess it had a crack right there but I don't know HOW IT GOT THAT CRACK IN THE PLASTIC! Ughhh, I'm SO mad!

I use my headphones for everything on my computer. I just don't like using my speakers, I can hear better with the headphones and it just sounds better, you know? -___-

Now I'm using my iPods ear buds. FML.

At least I have this $10 Best Buy gift card that I got for Christmas still. The headphones I had are listed as $24 on the website. That makes me cry a little less knowing it'll only cost me about $15. lol