I don't get why she doesn't like talking to me anymore. Did I change? Did she change? Did I do something wrong that I don't know of? I just... don't understand. And when I get upset I constantly want to tell her to just never talk to me again if that's what she wants, just to spite her or to get it across that this upsets me greatly. But I don't because that's not really what I want. I'd like to say that if she keeps this up I'll no longer be there, but that's not true. I'll always be here, because I want to be here. Even if she doesn't talk to me for a year I'll be here waiting for her to say something. I don't know if that's pathetic or just nice of me. It's more like... I've known you for 10 years and I don't see it as acceptable to just throw it out a window like that. And because I see her as family and you don't just abandon family. And probably because I just can't let go.

I don't know what's worse. Feeling like we drifted apart or having a falling out that causes us to despise one another. Oddly enough, I'd rather it be that last one. At least if we had a falling out I could make sense of it all, and it would be easier to deal with if I hated her.

I just don't know anything anymore and I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter. But the reason I never bring any of this up to her when I ~make her~ talk to me is cause I'm terrified she'll get angry and stop talking to me all together, or will flat out tell me that she just doesn't value my friendship anymore. So I just put up with it all. Apparently I'd rather sit in the dark and wonder than have it all be thrown in my face. When I'm in the dark I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. If I tell her all this, I'm afraid that light will be shut out.

~I am filled to the brim with GaGa love today~

The "Bad Romance" video is so good! I was kind of bored for the first minute cause not much was going on (it's a 5 minute long video), but after that I felt as if blinking was not an option. LOL It's so weird but really well done. I love weird. If she ever stops being weird I will kill a bitch. =P

I love that she used the "screwing in a lightbulb" dance move in this video like she did during Paparazzi on SNL. I looove that move for some reason. xD There's another one she does but I have no idea how to describe it. I'm not a dance guru. =( But she's kind of clicking her fingers while opening and closing her arms in front of her... that makes no sense when explained. =X AND THE MONSTER MASH. Whoever thought of that is genius. LOL

Also, the final version of "Alejendro" leaked today, so it's a happy GaGa day! ^___^

Not to mention I stayed up for 30 hours yesterday. O.O I kind of wanted to stay up for when the Bad Romance vid came out, but also cause my sleep schedule was screwed and I needed to go to sleep at a decent hour.

I spent the time waiting for the Bad Romance vid impatiently and deciding what website my friend Shawna and I were going to attempt at creating next. We seemingly make new websites a few times a year. LOL But we always kind of... become disinterested with them after awhile or whatever, so this time we want to create something that has as much value as http://megan-online.org did for us. We want long term. lol
It was between doing a 30 Rock fansite or a GaGa fansite. There were many pros and cons for each, but we finally decided on doing a GaGa site. I figured I'd be more devoted to that than a 30 Rock site. If anything, I'd just wanna do a Tina Fey site, so I knew 30 Rock may not be the best choice for me. lol
Then I spent my crazy hours of sleep deprivation and caffeine high trying to give Shawna ideas for the name of our new GaGa site. I don't think I gave her anything useful. LOL Names ranging from G-Spot (was GaGa-Spot at first), Glorious-GaGa (then I said Galloping-GaGa cause... I was high), and Church-of-GaGa. I was then banned from thinking of site names after that one. =P

Then I slept for 16 hours today. I pretty much got 2 days worth of sleep, so I should be good! lol I feel kind of sick today, though.
Oh! And I went to bed with these shorts that are like, stretchy... like something you'd work out in, but they are WAY too small for me now. But I didn't care cause I had nothing else to wear to bed and I was tired. I ended up waking up 4 hours later and my lower body just... ached. I had to to take them off. I think they tried to move my organs or something cause my lower abdominals fucking killed for a good 10 minutes until I fell back to sleep. LOL Fuck those shorts.

One more! I made this signature a few days ago from the Gossip Girl promo images. I'm using it as a profile header on LJ though, too. lol

I'm kinda proud of it, cause I sometimes suck at doing blends. I didn't use any textures, which I rarely do. Only the images that were provided. I'm now wishing I had made it bigger... lol It would have made a nice header for a website that way. I could have always sized it down if I wanted to use it as a sig! I should start doing that... Make everything big at first so it can have multiple purposes! =(

"Last month, atheists marked Blasphemy Day at gatherings around the world, and celebrated the freedom to denigrate and insult religion.

Some offered to trade pornography for Bibles. Others de-baptized people with hair dryers. And in Washington, D.C., an art exhibit opened that shows, among other paintings, one entitled Divine Wine, where Jesus, on the cross, has blood flowing from his wound into a wine bottle.

Another, Jesus Paints His Nails, shows an effeminate Jesus after the crucifixion, applying polish to the nails that attach his hands to the cross."

I swear, sometimes I feel rather ashamed to call myself an atheist. lol

What I really want to know is how they think doing this is going to promote atheism in any shape or form, to get anyone to think differently than they normally would. Cause I know when Christians come up to me and insult my godless existence, it certainly doesn't make me want to join their organization. lol It just causes me discomfort and anger.

Sure, de-baptizing people with hair dryers is pretty damn funny, but the rest of it is just causing a greater divide between people and I just don't understand that concept.

I was trying to find an old childhood friend on Facebook earlier to no avail. I'm 99% positive I have her last name right. =\ I mean, how many different ways can you possibly spell "Johnson?"

After giving up on Facebook I tried Myspace, which is a lot harder to find people on, but I had no luck there either.

It was kind of hard trying to find her on Myspace though, because I'm not entirely sure what she looks like now. lol I have a vague memory of her in my head, but the last time I saw her she was probably 8 years old.

Why does it worry me when a 17-18 year old girl doesn't have a Facebook or Myspace page? LOL I feel like everyone has one these days, especially if you're a teenager. But somehow my mind was like, "No Facebook/Myspace? Must be dead or homeless."

But anyway, I'm kind of disappointed that I couldn't find her online. I think I was her best friend for a year or 2 before I moved. lol Would have been nice to see what she's been up to.

I did find my old babysitters kid on Facebook. She was such a little bitch when she was younger. LOL Like, seriously. The brattiest kid I've ever seen. It looks like she turned out normal though. Or at least she looks normal from her pictures, but who knows. There could be that same, bratty kid buried deep inside that innocent smile. =P And if she's anything like her mother, then she's probably batshit insane.

She was also friends with Brittany (the girl I was trying to find), but they would fight all the time. Pretty sure they ended up hating each other a few years after I moved away. Brittany would call me sometimes and tell me about Tori doing really bitch-tacular things to her. lol Spreading lies, pulling hair, you know how adolescent girls do.

Grrr, it really bugs me that I can't find her online.

O.O





Idk who that dude is and I don't care, she just looks gorgeous. lol And usually I think green isn't as great for redheads as most people think, but this particular shade looks really good on her, imo.

If you know me at all, you'll know that I have to be the one to make the move and that I hate to be pushed or "surprised." While I know life can't always go the way I want it to, I will still avoid these things as if my life depends on it no matter what. I'm that stubborn.

Anyway, enough with the cryptic shit that no one understands but me. LOL

I have a new layout. =] I had been changing it a lot recently cause everything I did I wasn't really satisfied with, but this one makes me very happy. =P

dementria dementria dementria

A loooooooooong overdue icon post. lol

[14] Kathy Griffin
[13] True Blood
[5] House MD
[6] Lucille Ball
[4] Simone Simons (Epica)
[3] Joan Rivers
[3] Ellen Page
[5] Lucy Lawless
[3] Misc. (Dana Delany, Lady Gaga, Lily Tomlin)



more here @ kinda_jinxed

That may have been the best surprise I've ever gotten. ♥ I love you, deary!

" If you get sick America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly! " - Fuckin' preach it, Alan Grayson!

I really don't care if what he said was harsh or in some ways incorrect, he made his point either way and then refused to apologize for it. I applaud him for that since all I ever see is democrats back peddling after they've been called on something that the republicans don't like. Keep up the good work. =P

I cannot believe this shit.

But you know what really bothers me? The fact that these religious nut jobs constantly try to act like we're somehow trying to take their religion from them. Um, what? How about the fact that every time an agnostic or atheistic ad is placed on, I don't know, the side of a public bus or a billboard, or the back of a park bench, people lose their fucking shit and that ad will be removed within the week? Yet any kind of religious text, even if it's condemning people and is hella fucking offensive, NO ONE DOES ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Why? Cause it's about your God and everyone seems to think that Gods word is good regardless of it's context and shouldn't be touched.

Chill the fuck out. No one is trying to take your religion from you. You actually have absolutely nothing to complain about. It's people like me who should be complaining. Sit the fuck down.

Also, I hope Richard Dawkins writes a 50 page introduction to the Bible explaining why it's bullshit, makes some weird connection to Christianity and Hitler and gives out free copies to colleges.

I should be sleeping, but for whatever reason I just have no desire to. lol So I'm posting an Emmys picspam of my favorite people. =P


( I'm unemployed now, so I'd like to be on 'Mad Men' )

I can't believe Hugh Laurie lost another Emmy. Like, seriously. He probably won't win until House is in it's last season, I bet you anything. They're so cruel. =[

Just posting to say that I made a tumblr for myself. lol I don't know if anyone on my flist is into that at all, but I was bored one day and decided to give it a go. lol So if you have one, feel free to follow me! =]

Okay, maybe I do have something else to post about. lol

I watched Hannibal Rising yesterday, which turned out as I expected... not that great. lol It was was pretty slow in the beginning and I don't know. I just didn't really like it. It wasn't just because Anthony Hopkins wasn't in it, it was the story in general. It just... BLEH. It was bleh. =P A lot of it seemed unnecessary and not really important to the story. Hannibal was taught how to use a samurai sword? REALLY? I just didn't GET THAT WHOLE THING. LOL Like I said, it felt unnecessary.
It was a beautifully shot movie, though. The effects and everything were really good. It looked as if they had spent a lot of money on good cameras and computer editing (lol)... but the story just didn't add up. And you only see him eat ONE DUDE. Come on. =P
Let's just say I could have gone on with my life having never seen this movie.

But watching that did make me want to read The Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal again. I was so big on that whole thing back in the day as a young teen. I totally shipped Hannibal/Clarice. LOL I watched the movies and read the books. I never did read Red Dragon though, which was the first book Hannibal was in... I probably should. Maybe I'll buy it sometime soon, but I have so many other things to read right now. Grrr!

So I finally got Kathy's book on... Sept. 12th. I'm not even going to attempt to remember what day of the week it was cause my memory sucks like that. But I had ordered it off of Amazon the day it came out, so I waited 5 days for it to be delivered. I was very impatient about it, really. =P



I finished this within 3 days, which may be the fastest I have ever finished a book. It's not exactly short. It's a little over 300 pages, which is basically average for most books. I think I spent about 6-7 hours reading it the first day. lol Since I enjoyed the book a lot, I read it rather slowly. I tend to do that when I like what I'm reading, instead of trying to get through it as quickly as I can. But the next day my hands hurt so bad from holding that book up for so many hours. LOL I felt like I had pulled a tendon in my hand. Reading can be brutal, yo. No one ever tells you of these things.

Of course, I really enjoyed the book. It made me laugh out loud quite a few times, so it definitely delivered in that area. But the few dark and depressing parts were also really... well, depressing. lol They depressed me, anyway. I even cried at one particular part. I fucking cried, yeah. I'm kind of embarrassed about that. LOL But I just felt like, "Yeah, I totally get you on this." and... idek. I guess that surprised me. After that I actually had to skim through some of the book to find a passage that was funny to cheer me up. LOL

Off topic: I think the best thing (or one of) about the True Blood season finale was Jessica feeding on that random trucker at the end. I thought it was a nice spin on her and made me like her more. >=]

And that white bull... am I weird for thinking it was breathtakingly beautiful? LOL IDK. I was just like, "Wow, that is one gorgeous bull." I think I need help. >_>;;

dementria (2:40:09 PM): How would you feel if you were named Tigerlily?
jennomac (2:41:02 PM): Like a cheap slut who was molested by her mom's boyfriend at the age of 12 and went on to give boys head in the girls' bathroom in middle school and become a hooker after I dropped out of high school at age 14.
dementria (2:41:25 PM): That sounds about right.
dementria (2:41:32 PM): Remind me not to give that name to my child.
dementria (2:41:38 PM): Not even as a middle name...
jennomac (2:41:39 PM): Lmao why do you ask
dementria (2:41:48 PM): Cause I thought it was kind of cute... LOLLL
jennomac (2:41:55 PM): Hahahahahaha
jennomac (2:42:03 PM): Oh I'm sorry I killed your dream!
dementria (2:42:13 PM): It wasn't my dream! It was a possible dream. THat is no longer possible.
jennomac (2:42:28 PM): Hahahaha
jennomac (2:42:47 PM): You know you can't get pregnant scissoring hot chicks, right?
dementria (2:42:55 PM): WHAT?
jennomac (2:43:10 PM): I just wanted to remind you now that you're thinking of children.
dementria (2:43:13 PM): Brb, hanging myself in the shower.
jennomac (2:43:15 PM): Xena can't get you pregnant.
dementria (2:43:27 PM): Omg but how hot would it be if Xena did get me pregnant?!
jennomac (2:43:41 PM): It would be way hot.

I just ordered Kathy Griffin's book! I'm excitedddd, but I have to wait 4-5 days before it'll get here. =[ It says it could arrive on Sept 11th. That should not be a happy day. lol I have a feeling I may cry when reading this book, though. I've read some pretty dark things about it. =[

Ugh what else...

I saw my aunt at the grocery store today. I hadn't seen her in a year because her and my uncle are divorcing, so I never see her at family gatherings anymore. It was so nice to see her! She was always my favorite aunt. =]

My mom ran into one of her co-workers while at the store as well, and she asked me why I'm not in school... my mom replied quickly, "She's 22!" I'm 21, mother. My own mother doesn't know my age. lol Then the co-worker told me that I look no older than her 11 year old. -___- I'm going to get carded for the rest of my life. LOL

I bought Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris today, too. Which is the first Sookie Stackhouse book. I'm looking forward to reading it! It'll keep me sated until Kathy's book arrives, then it's getting put on the back burner. =P

I must be in a good mood today, cause I laughed at this harder than I should have. It's not that funny, you buffoon!



But don't you just love this fandom? lol I'll never understand all the Cuddy hate. But I guess this is why I never venture outside the House/Cuddy community. =P This way I am automatically surrounded by Cuddy lovers. And I think that's actually the ONE THING I'd argue with people about... Peoples dislike of House/Cuddy never really bugs me that much cause we all have our ships. But I find the character of Cuddy to be too almost unrealistically awesome to really hate that much, so that would irk me a lot in others.

I'm also pretty tired of people hating her baby. I'm not really that excited about the whole thing either, but my thought is, why does it matter what I think? Even if I straight up hate the entire thing, it's not going to make a damn difference. lol What are TPTB gonna do? Finally after a whole year of a few select fans constant bitching, realize that no one likes her baby and decide to write it off? Words of wisdom: Get over it. You'll be much happier when you do.