thou hadst a whore's forehead (dementria) wrote,
thou hadst a whore's forehead
dementria

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THIS IS A NOVEL OF A POST.

Omg, my childhood babysitter added my mom on Facebook a few days ago. =X I have one of her kids (her daughter, cause we were "friends" when we were little) on there, but she didn't have her mom listed in her info so I was like, YAY, I'M SAFE FROM THAT CRAZY BITCH. But no, apparently I am not safe.

I also just saw that one of my other childhood friends that also had her as a babysitter added her as a friend today. My days... are SO numbered.

I kind of want to blame her for every weird compulsion or anxiety I feel as an adult. I feel like she's the sole cause of how most of my mind works and why I am the way that I am.

She fucked me up, k?

She was scary. And yet I had some kind of weird crush on her when I was a kid. I constantly sought her approval and attention. I'm starting to think I had Stockholm syndrome or something. Cause that bitch was MEAN. She terrified and humiliated me more times than I can count. I was a sensitive kid. I cried a lot. She had a bad temper and was just mean for really retarded reasons.

I remember once she was making kool-aid and had me try it cause she wasn't sure if she put enough sugar in. So I try it and it tasted really nasty, meaning not enough sugar, so I spit out it in the kitchen sink. She YELLED at me like she was having the worst PMS ever for spitting in the KITCHEN SINK and claimed I should have done it in the BATHROOM SINK. LOL I remember this was when she had another babysitter helping her... cause Carrie (my babysitter) babysat like 14 kids. This was her primary income. So she had like, an "assistant" babysitter to help her. This girl was like... maybe 18-20. She was young. But I remember the younger girl looking at Carrie like she was a fucking psycho for yelling at me about spitting in the kitchen sink. That made me feel a little better knowing someone else thought Carries attitude was uncalled for and I wasn't a "bad kid" or whatever. lol



She used to like, grab you by your shoulders and look at you right in your eyes, with her face like 3 inches from yours when she'd get mad, too. I can still remember her crazy green eyes. She had big eyes, man. With long, red hair. She'd laugh at me a lot and call me stupid.

Not to mention she used to abuse their dog. I used to hate seeing that. She threw their beagle, Casper, down the stairs once while I was there.

And her stupid ass little sister locked me in her basement once when Carrie wasn't there for an hour. Oh Rachael, you were such a cunt. Carrie was piiiissed at her. Apologized to my mom a billion times, telling her that Rachael wouldn't be watching any of the kids again if she was to run an errand.

Then there's the time she chased Tony (her step-kid) up the stairs with a baseball bat... cause he accidentally threw a ball at Emily (one of the kids she watched). He looked terrified.

I spent a lot of time at Carrie's. She lived down the street from me. Had 2 kids of her own (two little girls who were a few years younger than me) and her step-kid. She babysat a lot of kids from my school. One of them was one of my best friends, Kristyn. We were the same age. We'd go to Carrie's every morning to get on the bus to go to school, then we'd get dropped off there afterward. As did about 10 other kids. lol It was fun there most of the time, cause there was lots of people to play with, obviously. We'd be there till our parents got off work, so about 3 or 4 hours. We'd also be there in the summer, as were some of the other kids. So that's a full day pretty much. From 8am till about 4-5pm, 5 days a week in the summer. Carrie was practically my 3rd parent. lol She babysat me from the time I was 4 years old until... I think I was 11 when I moved.

I used to constantly have dreams about her until recently. Sometimes they were sexual dreams (ugh, gag me with a spoon), and other times they would be dreams about randomly seeing her in real life and showing her how different and grown up I am now. I was a shy kid... and sensitive, like I said. If she'd yell at me, you can bet I cried. lol Which then would lead to her asking me why I'm crying.

I pretty much hate that she got to me as much as she did when I was little. I still want to run into her sometime just to show her that I'm not a shy, sensitive little girl anymore. That she doesn't get to me anymore.

I also saw a picture of her on her daughters Facebook a couple weeks ago... She's so much older now, it was so weird. Cause obviously, I still have the image of her when I was little in my head. Seeing her so much older I think... helped me. O.o Made her seem less threatening or something. I don't exactly know. They certainly stopped the re-occurring sexual dreams, though, that's for sure. O.O LOL I haven't had one since.
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